pushing the one who loves you deeply away just because you're irrational? I hate that I can get irrational so easily, quickly, abusing his love for me because I know a word "sorry" will immediately repair the wound. that's sick of you marilyn. he's so good to you, I'd wish you stop abusing his emotions like that.
and I wish I could do that. but how? I'm so heavily reliant on my mood that it's crazy. I don't want to be like that, susceptible to my mood and feelings to determine how I treat people. sometimes you just really got to put up a front, wipe your face, wear a mask when you're just boiling inside. and that sucks. in the real world it truly sucks. it truly sucks to remain professional, as though feelings don't matter.
but that's how it works. people expect some degree of surpression out at the work place for productivity.
I hate that I'm irrational. I hate that my thoughts and behaviour can be so susceptible to that day's mood. I should probably start applying the whole "leave it at the door" lesson learnt in theatre into more of life's trials.
please don't hurt him again. you're spiteful without thought when you're being irrational, yknow? and it's time you stop expecting the world to give in to you just because you can't think straight for a moment. every irrational fight with him costs you the relationship, and every irrational word said could cost you your reputation, and even further, your job. don't be crazy anymore. there's always the out path and I'd wish you had some remaining sense to take it when most of it is gone.
he means too much to you to lose him. wake up marilyn. stop being a baby.
stop the fire before it burns. that's if you know that it's burning. you cannot expect others to know it's burning. sometimes it's a careless word or topic they chose to bring up and that's the spark. continuing the conversation is like adding gas, it gets bigger and you're so caught in it you don't even know you're in the fire. what's wrong with you, seriously!
I wish I could stop this. sometimes I feel myself going crazy. what more can I hold on to? I feel like I'm losing everything. losing myself.